Scar Tissue # 5

     I was really happy earlier this week while reading because I finally found that shift I was looking for, he finally hit so low in his life and addiction that he realized something needed to change, so he went back to his mom to sober up and get his life back together. I was then later disappointed to find out that as soon as he started the band again he was back to doing hardcore drugs, even worse this time. What is it about hitting rock bottom that makes people in general realize that they need to change? Aren’t they in a bit too deep to dig themselves out at this point? Yet people still manage to get through it. On that way down to the worst possible situation it seems that it is almost like one of those slides at amusement parks. The walls are smooth and you can’t turn back.  It’s scary and exciting and dangerous all at the same time, but after a while you feel like you’re not in control, and there is no way to stop until you reach the end.  

Anthony’s music and life with his friends revolve around drugs because their songs and lives are about drugs. One cannot be without the other, yet they are doing wonderfully so there seems no reason to stop. Throughout this all, there three voices in Tony’s writing, one from the past, one from the present and one from the future, all shooting out different opinions about the same event. The future perspective recognizes the mistakes, while the past admires the raw power Kiedis gives off; the present takes things for their face value, trying to make the best out of the situation and not be ashamed. Maybe Tony feels like he needs to represent all sides of himself because he’s embarassed of what he did, but he wants to be made an example of by showing how strong he has become, how many addictions he has defeated.

            It’s hard to pin point how someone exactly ends up on that slide, but I think once you get there nowhere else seems as good. I think our life is made up of different addictions, some shorter than others and some that last a lifetime. Now most people wouldn’t classify an interest or passion as and addiction, but I believe that an addiction is when you feel like you HAVE TO do something and you can’t live without it. In that sense I think that life is full of addictions and some of them lead you to a better place, while others just get you lost until you feel like you’ll never be found.

            I think its hard to write about your own life because you force yourself to bring up memories your not proud of, moments you don’t want to remember; all in the sake of being seen, being read, being understood.

            Perhaps on a bigger level this book was written as a step to forgiving himself, releasing his anger with his own behavior, and seeing the light at the end of his struggle.